Reflection

The things I carry... I feel that I carry a great deal of self conscience thoughts the moment I wake to the moment I begin my slumber.  I carry the burden of second guessing myself. I just don’t understand myself I think the way I should.  As sad as it is I should be more confident, I’ve been told by my peers. I haven’t always been this way it’s only started recently when I feel that I have found myself more than ever. I’m starting to realize the qualities I like about myself and the qualities I dislike. It’s funny how the things you dislike about yourself seem to shine much brighter than the things I would like to flaunt. That how I feel about myself, at least in my perspective.

I’m not all gloomy though.  If you know me I rarely let it show, I enjoy making others feel good about themselves rather than make myself feel good. I guess that makes me feel good about myself in itself.

I carry with myself an odd inventory of talents or what I would call talents.  They’re more like hobbies than talents I think, I play the guitar, going on 8 or 9 years now.  As much as I enjoy it and love to play I never took it THAT seriously, it was always just leisure for me never a responsibility or an obligation.  I enjoy art in many mediums. My first I’d have to say would be drawing, I have been doing it since I could first hold a pencil and ever since it’s been a real necessity for me.  I don’t know how many of you reading this can relate something to this but it brings me a happiness and a great relief just by simply being the only thing creatively that I could care less about what people think.  Something that I am completely content with and confident about might be the only thing for me at the moment. I hope to make a career out of the thing I feel I love most. It’s always been very meaningful to me to wake up daily and do something I love and maybe get paid just enough to get by rather than get paid millions and never have a worry about finances but waking up dreading the work day.

Being in school again is clearing my head a little bit everyday.  I feel blessed.  I never gave two poops about my education or being educated all I wanted to do was whatever was making me happy at the moment. I think I let a lot of people down including myself and now I get a chance to make it up.  I’ve needed something in my life to offer some sort of self discipline and now couldn’t have been a better time. I had a great 2 year vacation filled with endless amounts of nothingness and boredom but I tell you, it was worth every boring second of it.  No turning back now.  Never again in my life from this day forth will I ever be able to allow myself to do nothing with my life.  The time of order after all my years of schooling is finally here. I will make something of myself and use my time to the best of my abilities. Do Work Son!